Aaaand the results are in! The winner is………
Not me. But I’m totally cool with that! I DID get some awesome feedback on my writing, which was the main reason I entered the contest anyhow. Here’s a copy of feedback, from Lorraine Mace:
Presentation: Manuscript layout needs some attention. You might find this post useful: http://suemoorcroft.wordpress.com/manuscript-presentation/ and also this one: http://thewritersabcchecklist.blogspot.com/2011/01/punctuating-dialogue.html for dialogue punctuation. Typo: is/his, Aaron/Arron
Title: Apt for the story, but not intriguing.
Opening: This introduces the main character and contains a strong hook to grab the reader’s attention, giving us a reason to read on.
Dialogue: Minimal
Characterisation: I felt as if I knew Aaron’s insecurities and fantasies, but ultimately, I wasn’t convinced by his actions.
Overall: We are in Aaron’s head throughout the story, so the switch at the end takes us out of his point of view and reminds us that an author is pulling the strings. Also, I’m not sure you have decided what the theme of your story is meant to be. What do you want readers to take from it? How do you want them to feel when they reach the end? You clearly have talent and I hope to see more of your work, but this story feels as if you haven’t thought it through with regards to plot, theme and outcome.
One to learn from – use this experience to help with your next story
Not exactly a glowing review, and that’s the whole point. I’m overjoyed to have a professional opinion! Especially when it comes to the layout, since that tends to get muddled when I transfer the file over from mac pages to microsoft word. I can also agree on the constructive criticism given about the theme and plot; short stories have always been more like vignettes in my mind. Brief glimpses of a particular time and mood. With the next short story I enter into this contest, I’m going to give it some serious stand alone structure that will put the framework of the Sears Tower* to shame.
I highly recommend entering this contest if you want good feedback on your writing style. You can find the link to this contest by clicking the Writer’s Forum logo at the top of this post.
Now, if y’all will excuse me, I’ve got a short story to perfect.
I Make Things Up 
Hi, thanks for linking to my blog in this post. Very interesting for me to see how feedback is received from the other side of things. Thank you.
To do well in the Writers’ Forum comp, you do need to write a satisfying ending and stay in focus. Not all comps are the same but when I took over the judging the WF editor and I agreed: The Story is Important! 🙂
Good luck.